I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
