Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
