Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
