I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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