i barfeds in our rink
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
