Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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