My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
