last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
