he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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