: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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