....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
