i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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