Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
