at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
