Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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