Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
