people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
