I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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