Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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