Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
