my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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