I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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