Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
