So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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