I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do herpes really smell.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
