I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
