yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
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we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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