Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
