It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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