New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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