Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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