So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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