Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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