you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
