Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
