Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
