Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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