Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
