My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
