she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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