I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
