Where is the hickey?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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