Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
