Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
