I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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