My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
