im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I need water and some morals
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
