I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
