Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
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