We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
