He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize