Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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