I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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