I wanna bring you to show and tell
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
