The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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