ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
