There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
