Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
