I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
