glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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