gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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