i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Randomize
