You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i've created a new STD.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
