you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
