Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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