Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
