so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
