I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
