remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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