so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
