Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Randomize
