As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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