3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
