No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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