I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
