Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
