I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
