This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
