mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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