Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
