hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
