How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
