Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize