Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
